[messengers] From the bike lane to the bed, ride like a messenger

Date: 17 May 2011 13:18:05 +0200
From: Joe Hendry <messvilleto@xxxxxxxxx>


From the bike lane to the bed, ride like a messenger

 

San Francisco
 Bay Guardian, May 12,
2011

 

by Amber Schadewald 

 

Bulging thighs pump, shiny parts glimmer and sweaty bodies
peddle between the loins of the city. Is Bike To Work Day getting you all hot
and bothered, too? Steer the excitement of the bike lane straight into the
bedroom and take style notes from the ultimate ride professionals: bike
messengers. 

 

Not all bike messengers are the same, but one thing remains
true for any and all that claim the profession: these people are sex on two
wheels. Average bikers are hot, too, but messengers are the porn stars of bike
culture. Badass, fast, and cocky seem like fair stereotypes, perfect
characteristics for tending to spring urges. Hop on the saddle and get ready to
romp and ride with messenger mentality. 

 

Be brave: Biking in San
  Francisco can be terrifying. Muni tracks, lazy
drivers, and mean taxis are real threats, but bike messengers puff up their
chests and let adrenaline take the reins. Get adventurous in the sack and shake
your fears of the unknown. If you've got a pre-planned route, veer off and take
a backroad. Try role playing the part of a sleazy bike mechanic and service
your lover's bod. Remember: the customer is always right!

 

 

Be assertive: Messengers make decisions on the fly. If you
second guess your instincts, you may end up with road rash or an awkward stall
in play. Read the signs and listen for your partner's directions.

 

Be healthy: Biking is real good for the body. All those miles
keep your heart in great shape and keep blood flowing to all the right spots.
They make drink a lot of beer, but messengers work it all off on their route.
Talk about stamina. Get some exercise to make sure your organs are up to speed
and can perform at their full potential. 

 

Be hard: That ass! Those thighs! Bike bods rock; their
extra-toned areas are prime for spanking, grabbing, cupping, riding, and
thrusting. Get your own in gear.

 

 

 

Be eco-sexy: Dependency on fossil fuels isn't hot. Do as the
messengers do and peddle instead of drive. Take a romantic ride or race to a
secluded spot with your fuck buddy for a naked picnic. 

 

Be dirty: Sweat and grime is a consequence of the job. Don't
be afraid to get rough and smelly under the sheets. Who cares. Lick it up. 

 

Be safe: Some messengers probably think they're too cool for
helmets, but no penis is too cool for a condom. Unless you really know the
road, it's always better to be cautious and avoid running your tires through a
muddy pothole or STD.

 

 

And finally...

 

Be prepared: Messenger bags are big for a reason: you can
fit all kinds of fun party favors in there. Booze, toys, lube, Advil, kneepads,
clean underwear, and anything you could ever need can fit into one of those
back sacks. Stock up your stash at home, in the car, the office, your purse,
and wherever else you might want some spontaneous spunk. 

 


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