Re: [messengers] More Sponsors

Date: 13 Jun 2012 11:23:01 +0200
From: stefan vis <fishmeisterasd@xxxxxxxxx>

> No i dea whats going on. But since this is about the community, i take
this chance to say bye.
> If you like it or not, ill tell you why i wont go or help with events
anymore and why it came to my breakdown to this last weekend in london.
> Im not feeling good with the community in general, but it also has a
deeply personal cause, which i wont bore you with, but was the reason that
i saw no one is really interested in unhappy, or unlucky people, which
makes me feel lonely now and then. even seeing a lot of love for eachother
in the community around me, just not to me when something snaps inside.
> I guess i wasnt successfull at having many dear friends in the community,
just people i know and some really respect, and maybe the other way around.
I thank the few who where there sometimes and fewer that where there many
times for me. I am very happy for the friends i did gain through it. Dont
take offence. Dont hate you. Just have the feeling i screwed up myself.
> i tried so many things for the community, and i understand not everything
can work out how we all want it. Its just doesnt go anywhere really.
> I feel there is some really good projects going on. And those people
deserve support and credit. More than there is now from the majority of the
community. I did intend to support one of these, by reselling lcef stuff,
for which lcef still gets a lot of money from me and the bikeshop i workef
for. Because of  the non payment of others, i kinda gave up. Sorry leah.
And i hope to see the remaining people who owe me, the bike shop and the
lcef money to pay it to my account as stated in the letter i sent along the
envelopes which i did send world wide, except to leah. This also has other
reasons that fucked this transactions up. So lcef still gets between 400
and 700 euros from me and my company. It will be there one day. I promise.
> Another recent reason i stop is that i believe that there is a certain
conservativeness in our community. And it stops our events from getting
better. You see as the lcef raises money for couriers in need, they also
use the money to invest in events, and they get it back triple. No need for
big sponsors here. But if you want a huge event, its almost impossible
without a big one. Some people wanna pay 60 euros to be self sufficient,
but in many cases its just gonna leave a dept. A dept that is there through
selfish reasons and vetos against big sponsors. There must be a middle way.
There are always price sponsors. And i seen in al these years that people
wont show up without prices to win. But no one ever vetoed against bagaboo
or brooks. Why veto against red bull?
> The organisation called ifbma, which is us all, didnt manage to achieve
in ever, in what the lcef achieved. And what the intetnational fund ever
likes to achieve, but its just not working out for various reasons. Mostly
because a lot of countries do have a sufficient national ensurance system
and payroll system, that ensures people. In case of when messengers go indy
and start working together we need local funds like lcef rather than global.
> Anyway the ifbma is a non organisation which never gets anywhere, not
even to a decicion in how to fucking vote. And we still dont see that our
bidding system is unfair and failing us. Also my struggle to promote a cool
new way of racing didnt work out yet how i like, because of rain, but also
because of still a big non believe that it could be a standard. If i had
the chance to finish it, which i wont for now, but someone else is working
on it appearantly, just didnt hear much from him exept he did investigate
if it was really as fair as i claim it is. Hope for anne he can make it
work, and of course if it doesnt ill help out one more time.
> Past problems with the community also came back to
> Mind, but i have to admit my last breakdown was more personal then
community related, but it was just too many drops for me.
> One past problem was that in 2006 i was assured by neil from dublin that
i was being the official after race for cmwc2007. But james tate from
glasgow also threw one all of a sudden and neil said why not, for the
people who coulnd make it across to amsterdam. This little joke costed me
1500 euros. And neil never talked to me again, and i even pickef up james
afterwards from the slammer. Also a lot of people actually chose for james
instead, and james tried it again to get a pre or post events, im happy
people saw through it this time. And london officially got it.
> So the drop actually for me to leave now is more unlikely than you think
but a good reason for me personally to quit.
> During an alleycat last weekend im london i failed to see another
cyclist, i mangled his bike with my brooklyn machine. My bike looked ok but
a day later i saw my downtube had a dent. And as i am a true blood biker
and this particular frame means more tto me and other people than you nay
think a bike is worth... but i was completely smashed from it, the more
because i already gave it its retirement already and just using it on the
track and crits. And not on the street anymore. And i still took it to
london, and there i trashed it. Because of that i left the breakfast
alleycat, and didnt return. My own choice but i did crash mentally thinking
of all the bad luck and choices i got and made in the past years that
crapped out my life. Yes its personal, but above reasons also play a role.
Also the beloved big black bus plays a role, and my relationships and
temper aswell. Its the full brainfuck monty. And im tired of being an
asshole and i am unhappy that no one but ofcourse steph text me, but no one
attempted to get me back on my feet like some did to me and many others
before. Like i try at least to do to others. Especially people i love im
the community who are more likely to be my family than my own family.
> And yes i feel sorry i wasnt there for some others with problems, but
most of them didnt need ne because they had many many others in the
commumity to provide some mental support, sn ear, a shoulder, a kick in the
> Im unhappy i didnt travel half the world to be on some funerals, or at
epic events like guatemala. I feel i got blamed by older members of our
community for not showing up for some years, after i drunk my brains out in
warsaw, and seeing everyone on drugs rather than seeing a good race. Partly
me, partly you. And i was already tired of the non conclusiveness of the
ifbma, because in real life i was and am a pretty smart boy who also wants
only the best and simplest for us. And i rallied so much for newer simpler
things, and proposed a councilling council in ecmc freiburg 2000. Where i
had absolutely no support for that idea, but still an even worse type of
counsil, one that had something to say, was installed some years after, but
i havent been at any open forum at that time. Funny. And now, after 12
years, and after introducing guidelines instead of rules for the races, and
finally have been granted the opportunity to prove i can make races more
enjoyable for everyone, that muppet council finally grew up and took the
advise to be a councelling council, opposed to a governing one. Love it,
keep progressive like this.
> So this and my inability to steal your guys heart so much that people
forget me while im in trouble, even no one waited anymore in the alleycat,
is my shitpile of reasons to stop being part of and entertain you guys.
> Friends will be friends, and i especially thank some people from new york
city because you guys were the only ones truly happy to see me back after
as much as 12 years. You guys know who you are and you made me feel
unbelievably welcome and inspired me more to be a good person like you guys
are. And i still didnt manage to see some people who i wanted to see. So i
> The very last and most impirtant reason why i stop is because i believe i
cant be a trustfull and stable partner, friend, organizer. And i feel i
lost my street racing skills as i am actually not a bikemessenger anymore,
but still a traffic addict, just lost my ability to race hard. This all
doesnt make me a nice person to be around, so pretty old nice fish turns
into an insecure little loser who jeapardises friendships, relationships,
and ultimately support from the community, and i embarrass myself in front
of many, and so they stop helping me as a person. Its a perfect vicious
circle which i need to break in order to safe myself.
> I despite im not on a ride to edinburgh right now, for missing the
awesome london calling, and for hurting stephanie and her roommates
feelings. And im very dissappointed in the way no one came try to pull me
out of this and take me to the races, if it was only to go help my
superhard working love stephanie, who i lost again...  I know its a selfish
thing, but in my head it was right to expect someone to come pull me out
but when it didnt happen, i got dragged down more. I know i cant blame
anyone. Its just in my own head. And im sorry. See above.
> So. Friends will be friends, everyone is welcome here in osdorp or the
fixmeisters shop where i work, if you want my personal attention come just
before closing time, as i am buzy working in the shop and cant hang out
with you in a relaxed fashion( btw the shop is also draining me from life,
but thatbi will and can solve) . So close messenger friends, dont worry.
For the ones who only call me when you need me, see you when we see.
> Last but not least i wanna tell you i am very depressed and confused for
a lot of more reasons than mentioned above, and that confusion just got
more. I havent been as nice as i should have in the past but im also not
stupid enough to learn. So i do. But i cant hurt anyone anymore. You nor
> I planted this rant here out of topic, because i hate to draw too much
attention, and i wont reply on it, plus morgan mentioned something like non
supportiveness so heres my dirty dollar. Past the two cent state.
> Also thanks for the good times. Had a lot i can't remember.
> Hereby i give up. And last week i still wanted it all. Weird how things
> Fish (stefan vis for some)
> Ps. The hipsters didnt kill my scene, we all had a fascination with bikes
before or during our jobs, we killed it ourselves, and they actually keep
it alive by becoming bikemessengers in some cases. So stop blaming others.
> Wish i had the joy still in me to join the ranks of chas and austin
horse. But ill join you guys at the crits, if i can have the BMW fixed.
> Godspeed to steph. Keep doing what you do,  your saving the community( so
do some others). wished to do that too and i could to have been a part of
it all. It killed me in the end.
> Op 13 jun. 2012 05:32 schreef "M Hafer" <carbonfreecourier@xxxxxxxxx> het
>> Despite me pissing you off, I'm doing great on the sponsor effort-
possible 50 cases of Body Armor natural energy drinks to cool that temper
>> This ride is for the benefit of the Community and silly me for thinking
the Role Models  in the Community could contribute or participate in some
way-  Actions should speak louder than words but clearly this does not
apply to me- I'll handle the Ride Raffle with resources I have- "Thanks to
those who have or going to participate volunteer or contribute"!!:-)
>> Goodbye 13.0
>> _______________________________________________
>> Messengers mailing list
>> Messengers@xxxxxxxxx